WHEN FRIENDS AND FAMILY DRIFT AWAY

Caregivers may find that during the course of Alzheimer's disease some friends and family may drift away.It is a common experience that many people can identify with, not only  because of Alzheimer's disease but other chronic diseases.

This can create many conflicts,a great deal of emotional hurt and in many cases roots of bitterness may grow, that could make life even more difficult and hinder your ability to provide quality care.

What should you do when the people you once laughed with,socialised with,trusted and loved desert you in the middle of a crisis? You feel abandoned,betrayed and alone.Suddenly the people you thought were good friends stop coming around when you need them the most.

Here are tips to cope.

First try to understand that your friends or family may feel rejected, if they cannot be part of the decision making.Others may feel helpless and would rather not be around because they feel guilty that there seems to be nothing they can do.Others however, may have a fear that they may "catch" the disease or in some instances family members  may feel that they too will get Alzheimer's disease and cannot cope with the thought that they may be like your loved one.

The first step for you is to check yourself , see if you may have contributed to their withdrawal?Have you yourself withdrawn  from others because of the workload? Did they ask you how they could help and you repeatedly refused? Maybe they are struggling with their own issues.

Make every effort not to take their actions personally.

Give them the benefit of the doubt and get connected to them again.Yes, swallow your pride and give them a friendly call.See what's happening.You may think well, why should I call them, they are the deserters.My take is, that if you are to make it through this disease, you need all the support you can get.

Reassure them that you are not expecting them to solve your problem.

If with your contact there is still no change.Let them go. Accept your losses and move on.Continue to be  a good caregiver.

Appreciate and love the one or two friends or family who continue to show commitment and care

Purge yourself from bitterness anger and hurt caused by their rejection.It will only destroy you.

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"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand."